Step 7: Rebuilding Your Relationship Completely From Scratch

Seeing your ex for the first time should be only the beginning. If the both of you clicked, and some of that old chemistry was there, she's definitely going to want to see you again. Each time thereafter should get a little more comfortable, and eventually the two of you should move a lot closer.

Chances are you're in the very early stages of what could be your next long-term relationship. I use the term 'next' here, because you don't want your old relationship back - you want to build a fresh new one that's stronger than ever.

Winning Your Ex Girlfriend Back

Make New Plans and Go New Places

Most couples who get back together make the same big mistake at this point: they fall back into the same old routine as before. Whatever that routine was, try to remind yourself that it didn't work. Your girlfriend broke up with you while you were stuck in that pattern, and you don't want to do anything to remind either one of you of those times right now. That's why it's best to make a clean start by going to all new places and doing all new things that the two of you have never done before.

Remember the old places you used to take her? Forget about them for a while. Eat at some new resturants, and go to some different movie theaters. Look for fresh places and new activities. Even better, make it fun for the both of you. Sit down with your exgirlfriend and plan out something really cool that the two of you can do together. She'll love that you included her in the planning, and it'll serve to bring you together and working on something as a team. This is important, because up until you got back together you were probably on opposite sides of the playing field.

Getting romantic with your ex again can be a little awkward, and you might still experience some lingering friendship type behavior. You'll need to stamp this out by the third or fourth date, tops. If you've seen your exgirlfriend more than twice, it's time to plant a kiss on her (if you haven't already). After getting past that first physical contact, everything will become a lot easier... but wait too long and it gets more and more awkward. Just remember to treat your new romance very carefully. Things are fragile right now, and you want to keep them whole. Everything between you should be positive, and each of you should be giving the other plenty of room to breathe. This is crucial to making things go smoothly early on.

Talking About The Break Up - When And How You Should Do It

As the two of you get close again, one or both of you will want to clear the air a little. Up until now you've avoided talking about the break up. Eventually though, you'll need to address it on some level. No matter what happened between the two of, you can't really move forward until you've addressed the reasons your relationship ended in the first place. This talk should come naturally, at a time when you're both having fun and are calm enough to approach it rationally.

Resolving the reasons you broke up is something you should do as plainly as possible. Be extremely careful with your wording, and try not to assign blame. Above everything else, don't let the conversation spin out of control. Both of you should be given ample opportunity to say whatever you need to get off your chest, without being interrupted by the other. Disagreeing is okay, but fighting or arguing is not. If you see this about to happen, let your ex know that whatever happened in the past isn't half as important to you as what's happening right now, between the both of you.

Tips For Talking To Your Ex About The Break Up

 Invite Her To Speak Honestly - By letting your ex girlfriend know she can tell you anything, you're giving her the chance to get everything out at once. This is what you want. The two of you should be having this conversation only once, so each of you needs to get it all out now. Any bones she has to pick with you should be addressed. And when she brings these things up, you'll need to be very non-combative about everything she says. Don't talk when that happens, just listen.

 Express Your Regrets - You ex needs to hear you express regret that your relationship ended. This gives her the green light to move forward with dating you again. Gently explain that you've had time to think things over, and the one decision you're sure of is that you want her back in your life. Then let her know that you're willing to do whatever it takes to make the two of you work as a couple.

 Don't Play The Blame Game - No matter what ended your relationship, each of you probably feels it was the other person's fault. If you have legitimate grievances, let your ex know what they are... and make sure you listen to hers as well. You should both agree to work on things - together as a team - without anyone pointing the finger of blame at the other. Working on these issues guilt-free is a quick way of getting them resolved.

 Don't Tell Her You'll "Change" For Her - Possibly the best advice I can give you here is to be yourself. Getting a new start doesn't mean you need to become someone entirely different. Your girlfriend should love you for who you are, not for who she wants you to be. And changing people? It never works.

 Don't Sweat The Small Stuff - Bring up only the things that truly matter to you. Having this talk doesn't give you license to start tearing into all the nagging little things you don't like about your ex. Think back to your old relationship, and choose only the major aspects of it that you feel were problematic. Leave all the other small stuff back in the past, where it belongs.

 Learn To Let Go - There are many reasons people break up, and cheating is one of them. If you or your girlfriend cheated on your past relationship, you'll both need to forgive each other. If you can't do this, or simply won't, then your new relationship is doomed to failure no matter what you do next.

When compared to cheating, all other problems pale in comparison. This is where it's smart to let go of all the other stupid baby-crap you'd been arguing over all those weeks and months. Sometimes a couple gets so involved in fighting, they forget what it's like to be a happy team. Let you ex know you want to start fresh, and that you're willing to let go of all the old arguments and battles over nothing.

Keep your post-breakup discussion as smooth as possible, and try not to let it run too long. Neither one of you should be on the offense or the defense. Each of you should get your say, but don't spend too much time on any one point. The best thing you can do right now is hammer out the tough stuff and leave everything else where it belongs: in the past.

Go into this talk knowing that once it's over, you're both going to let it be over for good. You don't want to visit these issues again at a later time. It's unhealthy to your new relationship to keep rehashing old topics, and digging up old wounds. If you and your ex have decided to move forward - great. You should look ahead to a new future, not back.

Before Getting Back With Your Ex - Forgive and Forget

Very often, getting dumped comes with a lot of anger and resentment. During the time you're trying to win back your girlfriend, you forget about these things. And then, once you have her back... they surface again. You haven't truly forgiven her, and this can cause you to sabotage your new relationship without even realizing it.

Most reconciliations fail because of this one simple fact. Before getting back together with your ex, make sure you can forgive her for everything that went on. Heaping truckloads of guilt on your newly gotten back ex-girlfriend will only drive her away again. You need to be proactive here, and really try to set things right within your own head.

Getting back together with an ex can be cool, but not if he can't let go of the past. If I've forgiven him for things he's done, he'd better forgive me too. And not just temporarily, while he's happy. Guys who bring up the same old thing whenever they get mad at you is a big red flag.

I don't want to feel guilty for stuff that happened six months ago. If you're not going to forgive me completely, why'd you bother dating me again in the first place?

You don't want to be the guy in this example. Learning how to get back an ex girlfriend means nothing if you're only going to chase her away again. Try to forgive and forget before you even arrive at the point where you're seeing your ex again. This makes it easier once you win her back and start dating once more.

Seeing Your Ex

The Best Way To Make Your Ex Love You Again

The initial stages of any relationship are almost always great, and there's a lot of fun to be had here as you and your ex begin exploring a new beginning. Don't try to rush back into the heavy relationship you once had with her. This is a destination you've thought about for a long time now, but sometimes it's a lot nicer to just enjoy the ride.

The way to truly be happy is to love your girlfriend for who and what she is. The same goes for her as well. Do this, and neither of you have to pretend to be something you're not. Dating someone isn't about trying to fit into their predetermined mold of what a relationship ought to be - it's about living, laughing, and having a good time together with someone who shares your own interests.

One of the best ways to make your ex come back to you - in fact, to attract any girl - is to enjoy being who you are. When you're comfortable in your own skin, everyone notices. So many guys who get dumped lose sight of themselves as an individual. They're so busy wondering who or what they should be in order to impress their ex girlfriend, they try to become an entirely different person. Be yourself, and be happy. Nothing will attract a woman's attention faster than that.

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Give Each Other Proper Space

As you cruise through the final stages of getting back together, there's another important aspect of a healthy relationship: breathing room. Giving each other enough space can be crucial to building a strong bond between you. No matter what happened yesterday, you need to trust and love your girl enough to leave her alone at times... and she should trust you just the same. Some people are afraid to give someone too much space, thinking they might lose them. Once again though, the reverse is true. Think about it: allowing your ex some time to herself was what made her miss you in the first place. Now that you're dating again? Giving her the same type of freedom will have her missing you whenever you're not around. This makes the time you do spend together all the more exciting for the both of you.

The final stage of winning back your ex girlfriend is Step 8: Making Her Love You Forever

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